Running Towards Love Read online

  “You don’t know that for sure,” Jason started but she quickly cut him off.

  “Premature ovarian dysfunction, Jase.” Nikki turned to face him, the tremble of her hands betraying the strength she forced into her voice. “That’s a pretty sure thing.” Immediately, she recognized the look of confusion on his face. “I have Type 1; it’s almost a complete loss of any remaining eggs. The cause is unknown.”

  “I’m so sorry, Nik.” He replied, drawing her into his arms. She let the strength of his hug surround her, felt the affection warming her even though it was still unable to fill the emptiness. Together they swayed silently for several minutes. “When did you find out,” Jason asked quietly.

  “The day I came here,” she mumbled against his shirt. “I had a doctor’s appointment that morning.”

  “Does Danny know?”

  “Of course not.” Nikki pulled herself from his embrace and turned back around to stare at the now empty yard. “I never had a chance to tell him.”

  “You know it won’t matter to him.”

  “Won’t it?” She swiped at the tears filling her eyes, wishing she could reach a point where there were no more tears to fall. “We’ve been trying to have children for seven years, Jase. Seven years. That’s a long time to have an empty home.”

  Jason turned Nikki to face him, resting his hands on her arms. “Look, I’m not disagreeing. And I’m certainly not going to say I understand. But,” he placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. “I know you Nikki, and this is not you. You’re a fighter, dammit. You always have been! Since when do you hear bad news and let it destroy you?”

  “How about since my husband, the man who is my rock, told someone else he was leaving me?” The hurt and anger spewed from each word she forced out. “I know Rebekah told you what I overheard.”

  “Yes,” he broke in. “Overheard being the key word. She told me you were standing in the hallway listening, and it made no sense to me why you wouldn’t slam that door open and confront him right then.” She sighed and let her head fall against his chest. “Until right now.”

  “I was done, Jase. Emotionally drained. There was nothing left for me to give.”

  “I see that now, Nikki. But you know you have to talk to him. You won’t feel better, not just about the situation but about yourself until you do.”

  Nikki walked over to the table and picked up her cell phone. She hit the power button hesitantly, almost afraid to see the number of missed calls and messages. “I know. I promised him years ago I wouldn’t run anymore. I’ll send him a text letting him know that I’m coming home tomorrow. But, Jase,” she turned back to face him, unshed tears swimming in her eyes.

  “Of course, Nikki.” He answered her unasked question.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re my sister in every sense of the word, Nikki. I love you. Rebekah loves you and the girls love you too. You always have a home with your family here.” He walked forward and offered her another hug before heading for the door. “Rebekah and I are going to pick up the girls from her parent’s house and then take them to dinner. Do you want to come with us?”

  Nikki simply shook her head as she looked down at the phone. “I think I’m just going to sit out here for awhile longer. You two have fun with the girls. Tell everyone I said hello.”

  “I will.”

  Taking a deep breath, Nikki opened the message app on her phone. ‘I’ll be home tomorrow. Will send flight details when I know them. ~N’

  Chapter Four

  “She’s on the back porch,” Rebekah said softly as she and Jason opened the front door to make their way out of the house.

  Danny looked up, surprised to hear her voice. “Where are the two of you headed?”

  “The girls are at my parent’s house,” she answered. “We told them we would come by and take everyone to dinner so the house will be empty for a couple of hours.”

  “Thanks,” Danny replied struck by the cool reception he was receiving from his two friends. “You know,” he started, but Jason held his hand up to stop him.

  “I’ve known both of you for a long time, Danny,” Jason said. “And I’ve never, ever seen that woman in there as worn out as she is right now. I’m trusting you to fix it.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “Do better than that.” The two men stared at each other, the strength behind Jason’s words hitting home. It was the closest to a ‘big brother threat’ Danny had ever heard from his friend and he knew Jason was serious.

  Danny knew a response was unnecessary. He simply made his way into the house to look for his wife. Silently, Danny stood at the French doors drinking in the image of Nikki. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach almost as if she was trying to hold herself together. Even in the midst of obvious pain, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever known. But, he hadn’t come all this way to stand back and only watch. He needed to talk to her, listen to her. More than anything else, he needed to simply hold her in his arms.

  He opened the door and stepped outside, feeling the odd mixture of Houston’s warm weather and Nikki’s cold shoulder. “Nicole,” he called softly.

  Her shoulders tensed even further and Danny could not help but compare her to a cornered animal, ready to bolt at any moment. “Why are you here?” she asked, the tightness laced in her voice.

  “I had to see you. Had to find out what is going on.” Slowly, he took a step forward and winced as she immediately moved to distance herself from him further.

  “I sent a message telling you I’d be home tomorrow. I have nothing to say to you right now, Danny.”

  “Well,” he continued. “Maybe I have something to say to you.”

  She spun on her heel to face him fire fanning through her eyes, melting her frosty exterior. “Now you have something to say to me?”

  “What the hell does that mean?” The last thing Danny needed to do was lose his cool with her, but he was afraid he was going to do just that. He hated not understanding his wife and right now he was so disconnected from her he was beyond confused.

  “I heard your conversation two days ago.”

  Danny raised his eyebrows in utter confusion. “What conversation?” he shook his head as he tried to force himself to recall any of the latest discussions he had.

  “Don’t play dumb with me Daniel Vincenzo Camarelli. You have never done that role particularly well so don’t start now!” Nikki yelled.

  Silence filled the screened in porch as Danny forced himself to take deep breaths. In and out. In and out. After a third time, he relaxed his shoulders and looked her in the eye completely startled to see unshed tears pooling in her eyes. “Nicole,” he started. “Whatever it is, it’s not what you think. I…”

  “Don’t,” she whispered, her voice cracking as she broke into the middle of his sentence. “I can take a lot coming from you. But, I can’t hear you lie about this.”

  “Babe,” he took another step towards her.

  “Do you know what hurts the most about all of this?” Nikki asked so quietly, Danny had to wonder if she was talking to him now or herself. His question was answered moments later as she continued. “The worst part about all of this is that you’re right to leave me.”

  “Leave you?” he practically thundered, and she jumped slightly. This wasn’t his wife. Not this timid, weak creature.

  Nikki turned her back on him, staring out into the yard. “You wanted to know what is going on so now you get to listen.”

  “Okay.” In an effort to keep from reaching out and pulling her in his arms, he pulled one of the chairs from under the glass-covered table and took a seat. He had to strain to hear her speak.

  “For ten years, I’ve given you everything I had, Danny. No,” she shook her head, “make that fifteen. I was yours from the moment I laid eyes on you; you were my everything. But, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.” She wiped a falling tear before continuing. “Do you know what it’s like to feel broken
inside? To know that day after day, month after month, I’m completely unable to give you the one thing I know you want more than anything else in the world?”

  “There is nothing, nothing, I want more than you,” he whispered back.

  “I heard you. ‘I’m leaving her at the end of the month.’ I stood outside the door and heard you whisper those words into the phone.”

  Realization dawned for Danny and immediately he knew the conversation to which she was referring. He hung his head as he sighed deeply; this was not the way he wanted to tell her.

  But Nikki kept on talking before he could even begin to get her to understand. “I walked up the stairs, and heard your voice outside our bedroom. Our room, Danny!” She turned to face him as she practically melted onto the couch, devastation written across her face. “You stood in the most sacred place in our home, the place where nothing is a secret and everything is open. You said,” she attempted to whisper through broken words. “You said…”

  “I wanted to make it through New Year with her. There is no way I would drop this on her before then. But now that the holidays are over, once the end of January hits, it’s done.” Danny finished for her.

  Their eyes met across the porch. Although they were barely three or four feet apart, Danny felt it was more like three or four thousand miles. Nikki heaved a shuddering breath and he watched her steel herself against the words. “Go on since you seem to suddenly remember it so well.”

  “She has given me the best she has to offer for fifteen years. She has given me everything; but it is not enough. I need more. I deserve more.” Danny stood from the chair, swallowing back his own emotion. He needed to get this out; needed to make sure she heard everything. “I used to think I would never find someone I could rely on, someone I could trust like her. But when I look back, I know I should have seen this coming years ago.”

  Silence hung between them, the lack of sound heavy with emotions. “Finish it. Please Danny, just finish it.”

  “I’m leaving her at the end of the month.”

  The words floated in the air unable to find a home; Nikki’s heavy, shaky breath the only sound that could be heard. She dropped her head in resignation.

  Danny stepped closer to her. “Nikki,” he murmured. “You foolish, foolish girl. How could you think I was talking about you?”

  “Who else have you trusted for fifteen years?”

  “Allison.”

  Nikki jerked her head up meeting Danny’s gaze. “What?”

  Scrubbing his hands over his face, he crossed the floor to kneel in front of his wife. “I’ve worked with Allison Parker for fifteen years, Nikki. I signed with her right before I joined the show. In fact, she’s the reason I was able to secure the character and start working with you.”

  “But you love working with Allison. You’re always talking about what a great agent she has been for you!”

  “She has been, babe. But, she and I are moving in different directions. After watching Jason walk away from the show and make it big in Hollywood, she has been pushing me to do the same. It’s just not something I want.”

  “You can’t just drop your agent, Danny! You have a contract with her; it’ll damage your reputation and your career if you break it!”

  Danny barely bit back his grin at the realization she was worried about his professional reputation and future. At least he had not damaged things too far. Gently, he reached forward to cup her face, his thumbs wiping away the falling tears. “My contract is up for renegotiation. I know she will not anticipate this, but it’s time.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? We always talk about our careers, our plans.”

  Closing his eyes for just a moment, Danny bit back a sigh. “I wanted to surprise you, babe. I’m planning to contract with your agent. We’ve been working on negotiating more time off from the show and she thinks if we extend both our contracts, she can easily get them to agree. I know it’s what you wanted and I was going to give it to you for a Valentine’s Day present.”

  “Happy Valentine’s Day to me,” Nikki muttered. She allowed her eyes to drift shut, and Danny could see the question forming in her mind.

  “Did you really think I would leave you, Nicole?”

  As Nikki made the move to stand, he quickly rose and offered her his hand, silently rejoicing when she accepted and laced their fingers together. He followed her gentle tug, knowing he would follow her to the ends of the Earth if that was where she wanted to go. “It might have made sense to me that day.”

  “Why?” Tenderly, he turned her so he could pull her into his arms, needing to feel her there. The moment she accepted his embrace, a sense of calm enveloped both of them. “You have to know there is nothing more important to me than you, babe. You’re my everything.”

  “But, I can’t give you what you want.” She muttered the words against his chest as she sagged against him.

  “What are you talking about?” Danny didn’t want to appear irritated but the frustration of the last few days was settling deep in his body. “You’ve given me all of you; that’s all I need.”

  “I went to see Dr. Luethman that morning.”

  Danny battled against the tenseness he felt rising in his muscles. The last thing he wanted to do was put her on the defensive but he could not combat the sudden fear he felt. “Are you alright?”A quiet sob rippled through her body and it forced him to draw her closer. “Whatever it is babe, we’ll get through it together. We’ll find the best doctors in the world if we need to.”

  “Specialists won’t help.”

  “Nicole,” his voice hardened as icy terror made its way through his veins. “What aren’t you telling me?” Thoughts of chemo and radiation, surgery and death plagued his mind.

  “She diagnosed me with type 1 premature ovarian dysfunction. I can’t have children.”

  One second passed. Then two. Then three before Danny finally let out all of the tension from his body in one deep breath. “Thank God!”

  Immediately though, Nikki ripped herself from his arms. “Thank God? Thank God? Are you serious, Danny?”

  He threw his hands in front of his chest, palms facing outward in a signal of surrender. “That’s not what…”

  “I tell you I can’t have children, the one thing we have planned for and dreamed of since we were first dating, and your response is ‘Thank God?!”

  “Stop for a second and see this from my point of view.”

  “Your point of view?” She seethed. “You want me to see things from your point of view? My heart is breaking and you’re happy about it!”

  Danny reached out and grabbed her wrist, spinning her around and locking her in his arms. “I’m not happy about this, Nicole; but I am beyond thrilled that you are okay. Physically, that is,” he added, the moment she raised her eyebrow at him. “You had me terrified. I thought you were sick. I thought you had cancer or some other disease that would take you away from me. So yes, I was thrilled when I found out my thoughts were wrong!”

  “There is something wrong with me,” she started to argue but Danny silenced her words as he sealed his lips over hers. His fingers pulled her face closer to his as he hungrily devoured the taste of his wife, his best friend, and his lover. Anguish and grief mixed with relief and love as they both melted into the kiss.

  Holding her face in his hands, he broke away from the kiss and whispered fiercely. “Nothing is wrong with you; you’re perfect, and you’re mine.”

  “But,” she barely slipped that one word out before his lips were on her again. This time, the kiss was more passionate, hungrier. He had missed having his wife in his arms, missed the feel of her body against his.

  “But nothing, Nicole,” he replied a moment later. “All of the children in the world would not bring me an ounce of joy if I did not have you.” Tears slipped silently down her cheeks, wetting his neck and his shirt where she pressed against him. “I thought I lost you, babe. These past few days have been miserable for me. We can work through anythin
g else, as long as we are together. ”

  “Okay,” she sniffled, working to silence her crying. “I’m so, so sorry, Danny.”

  Pulling back slightly, he gazed into the crystal blue eyes of the woman he loved with everything he had. “I’m sorry too. We both made mistakes, Nicole. I should have talked to you about Allison.”

  “And I shouldn’t have run,” she glanced up at him. “Again.”

  “Yeah, I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore.” He smirked at her, loving the look she gave him as the fire began to return to her eyes. “At least you can’t say, ‘one time, Daniel!’ anymore!”