Running Towards Love Read online

  Nikki closed her eyes and let her head fall forward, her words muffled against her chin. “Not until yesterday.”

  Silence filled the room as the two women struggled to contain their thoughts and emotions. It was several minutes before Rebekah broke through the silence with a question. “I don’t mean this to sound harsh, Nikki, and as I said last night, you are welcome to stay as long as you need.”

  “Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?” Nikki mumbled sarcastically.

  “But,” Rebekah continued, “I’m wondering if you aren’t doing the same thing this time.”

  “What?”

  Rebekah exhaled the cautious breath she had been holding. “Are you running again, Nikki?”

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “I’m just concerned, Nikki.” Rebekah lifted her hands in front of her chest. “From everything you and Jason have told me over the years, it seems that maybe you, um, put off dealing with what is in front of you.”

  “I don’t know what else to do!” Nikki practically yelled. “Is it fair to me that I have given that man fifteen years of my life, and he just wants to throw it away?” Unwanted tears pooled in her eyes, and she blinked furiously to attempt to get rid of them.

  “Shhh,” Rebekah whispered as she moved forward on the bed to wrap her arms around Nikki. “No one is saying it’s fair, Nik. I’m just suggesting you need to think about why you haven’t confronted Danny.”

  Nikki allowed herself to get lost in her friend’s hug, desperate for some sort of affection as she battled the darkness of loss that threatened to overwhelm her.

  “I know how heartbreaking it is to lose someone you love better than anyone,” Rebekah continued. “But, if you have a chance to confront him, a chance to get to the bottom of things, why not take it, Nikki?”

  “I’m scared, Beck.”

  “I know.”

  Nikki sighed. “In some ways, I know you do. You weren’t ready to lose your first husband anymore than I am ready to lose Danny. But you were allowed to scream, to rant, to rage against the world when you found out he was sick.”

  “And why can’t you?”

  Breaking free of her friend’s embrace, Nikki sat up to stare at Rebekah. Astonishment filled her face. “I don’t want to lose him,” she whispered.

  “Oh honey, I know you don’t. Think of it like this. If what you heard is really true than it won’t make any difference.”

  “True.”

  “But,” Rebekah continued, “if you somehow misinterpreted what you heard, then why aren’t you fighting for him? Why are you running?”

  Nikki slumped back against the headboard, despair and confusion leaking from her body as she processed Rebekah’s words. She barely heard her friend stand to leave the room.

  “I’m going to be in and out of the house today, Nikki. But please, please think about what you want to happen. The house is yours, you know that. Whatever you need, feel free.”

  She nodded her head as the door clicked quietly. Letting out a deep breath, she closed her eyes and tried to relax. Rebekah had a point. Running was something she had done many, many times in the past. But that was before she promised Danny she would never run again.

  So, why was she here?

  Without thinking, she let herself get lost in memories of the night she made that promise five years ago, the one evening that changed everything for Danny and her.

  Nikki walked through the door to their home, already in love with the smells pouring from the kitchen. Danny was cooking dinner again, which was definitely better and safer than if she attempted it. Biting back a laugh, she headed in that direction. “Danny?” she called out. Silence was her only greeting. “Babe?” she tried again.

  Several seconds later she crossed the threshold into the kitchen and dread immediately filled her heart. Danny was hunched over the counter, his head resting in the palms of his hands. Water boiled over in the pot on the stove, clearly forgotten by the chef. “What’s wrong, babe?” Nikki rushed over to his side. “Is it Jason?”

  Things had been so tough for their friend after he had been injured on the set a month ago. Nikki had told him not to attempt that stunt on his own; but he insisted. A month later, he was still struggling to heal. His family had been no help at all. Between his father trying to use his son’s injury as an excuse to pull him from a profession he loved and manipulate him into the family business he could not stand, and his mother’s constant tears, Jason had moved out two weeks ago. “I know he met that girl, Carrie, and she was supposed to be helping him; but, I never trusted her. Did she do something?”

  Danny shook his head and drew a shuddering breath.

  Unable to resist comforting her husband and best friend, Nikki circled her arms around his shoulders and cradled him to her. “You’re scaring me, Danny. What’s wrong?”

  “Marie’s missing,” he whispered his reply.

  She pulled her head back slightly all the while tightening her hold on his shoulders. “Your sister?”

  Danny acknowledged her question with a simple nod of his head.

  “Okay,” she continued. “What do we need to do? Does your mom want us to head over to their place? Start canvassing the neighborhood?”

  Silence filled the kitchen as his muscles simply bunched with tension underneath her fingers.

  “There’s more to it isn’t there?” she asked, trying her best to soothe him.

  Danny sighed deeply. “She’s been missing for almost two weeks.”

  “TWO WEEKS?” Her own anxiety laced her voice. “Why is your mom just now letting us know?”

  “She didn’t want us to worry; didn’t want to burden me.” Danny grimaced.

  “What?”

  Danny pushed off from his seat and started pacing around the kitchen. “You know my family, Nikki. They run from everything. Don’t want to face something? Just bury your head in the sand.” He looked pointedly in her direction. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

  Nikki picked up a carrot from the counter, leftover from Danny’s dinner preparations, and chunked it at him. “Hey!”

  “What?” He dodged the flying carrot, offering her his characteristic smirk. “You can’t tell me you don’t like to run from your problems.” His smirk turned to a full-fledged grin.

  “One time, Daniel Camarelli! I ran one time and you’re never going to let me forget it, are you?”

  “Oh my love.” Danny grabbed Nikki’s wrist and tugged her towards him, locking her in his embrace as they swayed to the soft music wafting through the speakers. “There is nothing more I like than watching you get riled up.” His hand caressed her back as he pulled her closer and began placing slow, teasing kisses along the column of her neck.

  “Mmmm,” Nikki bit back a moan, trying desperately to focus on their previous conversation as her husband played her body like a fine tuned instrument. Within minutes, she was thoroughly aroused, a definite benefit to having a lover who spent years learning exactly how to take her as high as possible as quickly as he could. “Babe,” she laced her fingers through his silky black hair in an attempt to slow down his heated assault. “What about your sister?”

  His kisses slowed considerably as he mumbled against her skin. “She’s been missing two weeks. An extra hour won’t hurt.” He slipped his thumbs underneath the thin straps of her top and tugged them down, exposing her shoulders for his exploration. “Right now, I just need my wife”

  “You’ve got me, babe. You know that.” Nikki slipped a hand between the two of them, toying with the buttons on his shirt, desperate to feel all of him against her.

  Sensing the rising heat, he stepped away from her, allowing his eyes to drink her in. “Yeah I do. And right now, you look like my favorite sin.” Danny turned the burners off the stove and moved towards the kitchen door, holding his hand out towards her.

  “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” Danny whispered hours later. He rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand to watch her. The fi
ngers from his other hand continued tracing random patterns around her stomach.

  “About half as much as I love you,” she answered, relishing in the sated warmth flowing through her body.

  Warm laughter filtered through the bedroom. “I don’t think so.” Lacing their fingers together, Danny brought hers to his mouth for a soft kiss. “Seriously, Nicole. You are my anchor, the one constant in my life. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does; I know I will always have you to count on.”

  Nikki could sense the melancholy emotions drifting into his words. “Hey,” she rolled onto her own side, pressing her body against his. “Marie is going to be fine. I’m sure she just had another fight with your mom and ran off.”

  “Why is it that the women in my life are always running away?” He flipped onto his back and braced his forearm over his eyes. “Can’t a guy get a little bit of peace?”

  “One time, Daniel,” Nikki replied, the playful warning in her voice coming out almost as a growl. “I ran one time.”

  Danny started counting on his fingers. “Girlfriend ran. Mother ran. Aunt even ran once.” He felt her shove him as he moved to his fourth finger. “Now, sister runs.” Horror filled his eyes as he bolted upright causing Nikki to fall back against the pillows. “You’re not allowed to have a daughter!”

  She sputtered as she tried to choke back her laughter. “I’m not? I believe you are the one responsible for determining the sex of any children we may have.”

  He glared at her for several minutes before lowering himself towards her stomach.

  “What are you doing, Danny?”

  “Shh!” he ordered her. “I’m talking to my unborn children.” He splayed a warm hand against her abdomen and Nikki couldn’t help but smile. “Under no circumstances are any of you allowed to be girls,” he whispered against her stomach.

  “Hey!”

  “Woman, stop interrupting me!” He grinned and placed his other hand over her mouth before he continued. “Anyways, as Daddy was saying before Mommy so rudely interrupted,” he glared at her as she bit his fingers, “the women in this family have a tendency to run off and leave the men worried about them. So, none of you are allowed to be women.”

  Without warning, Nikki bit his hand again and pushed him off the bed as he lost focus. “Not so funny down there, are you?” she asked, throwing her head back in laughter until he grabbed her ankle and pulled her down onto his lap.

  He raised one eyebrow at her. “You were saying, my dear?”

  “Whatever,” she snuggled against him. “You love the women in your life.”

  Danny sighed as he placed a kiss against her forehead. “Of course I do.” Again, he nestled his hand against her smooth belly. “And I can’t wait to love whoever comes along.”

  “If,” she began before he cut her off.

  “When. We’ve only been trying for two years, babe. We’ll have this house full of little Camarelli’s before long. Then it won’t matter who runs off in the outside world. All that matters will be safe in these walls.”

  Nikki nodded her head in agreement, in no mood to worry about the lack of children in their life. They had plenty of time.

  “Then,” he continued, “it will be you, me, and him against the world.”

  “Her,” she replied contentedly.

  “Him.”

  “Her.”

  Danny swiftly stood, taking her with him as she locked her ankles around his back. “Him,” he argued before silencing her with a kiss. “And I think it’s time we get started.”

  Nikki wiped a tear away as she let her hand drop to her still flat stomach. She curled her body forward, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top. Although she never entirely enjoyed the weather here, she loved the fact that she could sit outside in the winter time without being completely bundled in sweaters and coats. Jason and Rebekah’s screened in porch offered her the solitude she craved. After a busy afternoon of helping Rebekah with meaningless chores, it was nice to slip away for awhile. Besides, she knew the girls would be coming home soon and there was no way she would find a reprieve then.

  “What are you thinking about?” Jason’s voice called from beside her.

  “Jase.” She hastily wiped her cheeks, trying to get rid of the evidence of her tears. “I didn’t hear the door open.”

  “Don’t bother, Nikki.” He handed her a tissue as he pulled a chair up next to the couch. ‘I’ve been watching you for almost twenty minutes now.”

  “Hmm. You must be bored. Ready for the girls to come home?” She tried redirecting the conversation, knowing it would be pointless.

  Of course, Jason offered her no reprieve. “You know I’m not going to let you get by without talking to me.”

  “I know.” She reached to her side and held her hand out to him, smiling when he joined their fingers. “I’ve missed having my friend around.”

  “Well. I’m here now and it’s time to talk. Tell me what you were thinking of when I walked out here.”

  “That’s actually easy. I was remembering the night Danny found out Marie was missing.”

  Jason stared at her out of the corner of his eye, judging the seriousness of her answer. Realizing she wasn’t still trying to change the subject, he answered. “Didn’t she run away?”

  “Yes,” Nikki stifled a small laugh. “Mama Camarelli didn’t like her boyfriend at the time. She kept threatening to send Marie to some boarding school.”

  “As if she would have let that girl out of her sight!” he scoffed.

  “I know, right? I still think she knew where Marie was the whole time. She just wanted Danny to pull the big brother act and scare his sister. And the boyfriend.”

  “I remember that. Danny was pretty freaked out that his sister was missing at the time. At least until he realized Marie was hiding out at their older sister’s house.”

  “Which is why I think his mother knew,” Nikki replied.

  “That was what, four years ago?”

  “Five,” Nikki whispered, her hand moving near her stomach again. “We were just celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary. It seems like a lifetime ago.”

  She could practically feel the questions in Jason’s eyes. They had known each other for so long, had been each other’s confidantes and friends before and after spouses came into their lives. Next to Danny there was not anyone who knew her better than Jason did. “You gotta give me something, Nik.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jase. He’s leaving me. He doesn’t love me anymore. Pick a statement. Although neither of them sounds right, both are true.”

  Jason stood from his seat and started slowing walking around the porch. “You know, when Rebekah and I were finding our way to each other, it was very easy to misinterpret things that were right in front of our eyes.”

  “You sound just like Rebekah. She said the exact same thing earlier. I’m not sure who has rubbed off on who!”

  “Oh you know I’m the brilliant one.”

  “Right,” she let the sarcasm drip through her response as she threw one of the couch pillows across the porch towards him. “I’ll be sure and let Rebekah know you said that.”

  “Or we can keep this to ourselves.” He threw the pillow back, purposely aiming for her head.

  “Whatever,” she replied with a small smile. The silence between the two of them settled like a cold weight against her shoulders. She had always been able to talk to Jason about anything. Why was this suddenly so difficult? “Jase?” she called out.

  “Yeah?”

  “How did you handle it when Rebekah told you she thought she couldn’t have children?”

  His penetrating stare told her he realized there was more going on to her visit than she originally let on, but their years of friendship kept him from immediately calling her out on it. “To be honest, Nik, it was hard. You know I fell head over heels in love with her almost as soon as we met and, of course, she told me about the infertility troubles she and her fir
st husband faced.” She simply nodded her head in agreement and he continued. “It was so easy to imagine having children with her; I knew she would be a fabulous mother.”

  “But you committed to her, even knowing you might not have a chance to see those children you imagined.”

  It was Jason’s turn to nod. “I did, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I loved Rebekah almost immediately, but not because she would be the mother of my children. It was because she was just her, and she was perfect for me.”

  Nikki moved from her spot on the couch, drawn to one of the screens as she watched a family of squirrels chase each other. Such simple beauty surrounded her yet she felt empty inside. “I can’t have children,” she whispered, saying the words out loud for the first time.